My Most Obvious Weakness

It's long night spent with my most obvious weakness. I'm breaking down in the worst way. I am red, violent red. My hungry and angry eyes are now hollow. I'm not hearing anything anyone says. I can't ever leave. I won't ever get too far from here. Everyone is making damn sure on that. So I'm going to take this medicine to kill my hunger. This is getting harder to fight by myself. Does anyone see the life I lead? All I do is hate now. I just want to bleed this poison dry. This feeling inside is going to keep me up all night. I need to do something, go somewhere, see someone, anyone. It is so hard to see when your eyes are rolling in the back of your head. It feels like I'm being punched in the throat and stabbed in the chest. All I can do I scream in this empty room. My days are bleeding together. All my smiles are getting harder to fake. I'm watching my aspirations fall to the ground. My heart keeps palpitating missing beats. All of you knew this would kill me but you carried on with your selfish shit. Hope has left me fucking shattered. I'm so strangulated by my worst fears. Are the images of pain cutting right through you now? One can only feel desolate for so long until one starts to change into something the mirror doesn't recognize. Who will hold me after all of this? I'm just swallowing the pill and thinking of myself no longer. Am I being too cryptic? Am I being too obscure? I don't even trust myself anymore. I guess this means the pills are working. Right now five Vicodin, sleeping pills, diet pills, beer, and a shot of clarity. I've realized that nothing can hold you back when you're not holding back a thing. This struggle is consuming me. I'm going to be lying dead from drinking and nightmares. I can't wake up from this. I want to be able to tell you what led me to this state of mind, but I can't. It is my dreams that permit me to be this insane. I'm screaming for no apparent reason. Words are no longer making sense. I'm trapped inside my own body. It's a result of this nightmare.