Beauty From Pain

I feel like I'm slipping away. I feel like a doll. Watching from the sidelines, except the only difference between me and the doll is...I'm real. Most of the time I wish i wasn't. I wish I could be that doll with no heart to get stomped on. With no real tears to cry. No feelings whatsoever. I wish that more than anything in the world. "A dream is a wish your heart makes"...Well what they don't say is what happens when your wish is over, and there's nothing but nightmares to haunt you with. They don't tell you what to do when you get dragged back in against your will. You suffocate. That's what happens.All that's left of me is clinging to the promise that there will be a dawn. "There will be beauty from pain"...Where's my beauty from pain? You told me you never meant to hurt me. You told me you made the wrong decision and didn't follow your heart. So tell me something...If you really meant everything you told me, why did you want it to be such a secret? Why didn't you want me to tell anyone? Why couldn't you tell anyone? Well, I'm not as naive as you think I am. I now understand the fact that I just wasn't good enough for you, and you'll never admit it. So stop trying to pull me back in, because as much as i want to be your rag doll still, there's enough marks on me from you already. You've had your share of "fun." You go on everyday pretending everything is fine. Pretending you don't even care that you ripped me apart. Well I'm still masked. I guess I'm back exactly where I started. Haven't you had enough? I have...I'm done! But no matter how many times I say that, I never mean it. It hurts too much to let you go.Which is why i am letting go. I'm finally letting go. Where is my beauty from pain?